Can we please our man and the camera too?


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I couldn’t agree with Amy more. I do not know the context in which she made this comment, but here is my little piece of mind, based on my observations and past encounters.

I heard from someone (I forgot who) many years ago that you can’t please your man if you want to please the camera.  At that time it made me wonder, is it really impossible to strike a balance?

Female celebrities have to stay slim (some might classify us as skinny or thin in person) so that we look just right on television (unless you’re being paid millions of dollars to be Bridget Jones). But our man might not necessarily like that bony frame. When you have to watch what you eat, or go for facial/massage/manicure/pedicure/hair treatment/colour etc (again), you are accused of being obsessed with how you look, and (gasp!) of being vain.

Vain.

It’s a word dripping with negative connotation.

The entertainment industry is one where looks play a crucial role. Let’s face it, if you see someone good-looking, you tend to pardon his/her lacklustre delivery. At least for a while. Besides, if looks don’t matter, then there’s no reason to have models and celebrities wear designer clothes, front brand campaigns, endorse products and advocate charity movements. So while we’re honing our craft of acting (which is just one part of being a celebrity), we can’t just simply neglect our physical attributes. So why should we be made to feel guilty, least so by our man, when we want to look good?

Speaking to some of my fellow colleagues who are facing boyfriend woes, I come to realise that these men just can’t accept their girlfriends being in the entertainment industry. It baffles me that their boyfriends put them down, and make them feel like they’re fame hungry or dabbling in meaningless play-acting that are not comparable to their “proper” high-flying jobs. It breeds insecurity and paranoia. It’s like everything they want to do for themselves in this industry, they have to hold back, because they’re afraid of how their boyfriends would think or judge them. “You have changed ever since you entered the industry” or “You were no longer that innocent girl I knew back then” are the most painful comments that I can imagine, will keep me all night wondering if there’s something wrong with me. Wondering if perhaps I  shouldn’t give my best because “this job is for bimbos and wannabes”, which by the way, are unfair stereotypes. Since when does being a celebrity equate to any of those vile labels?

If the men think they know their girlfriends so well that they can decide that this isn’t the best job for them, think again. It’s hard for us girls to be ourselves when we’re being choked by a man who isn’t willing to relinquish the negative judgments on us. We need your love, affection and support, not your judgments and emotional punishments.

The worst kind of boyfriends are those who cheat and lie and get caught. This comes close, because when your man is always cynical and negative about everything you do, it’s detrimental to your emotional state.

If you would like to discuss and share your views on this quote, visit DISCUSSIONS. See you there.

Amy Adam’s quote taken from October issue of HER WORLD. Grab a copy now!

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17 responses to “Can we please our man and the camera too?

  1. Sometimes its just insecurity and lack of self confidence on the mans’ part …

    To be in a relationship takes great commitment. Well, it takes two hands to clap, if both decide to be in the relationship, both should give and take. If he knows you are in the showbiz and decide to be with you, then he should be prepared for it and give his full support.

    If you ask me is it possible to strike a balance?
    Yes…to me the “balance” will just be based one word.

    Love.

  2. Tks for sharing the article with us:) I do agree with her:) Actually what she says is true:) She should stay focus on her career:) She must be quite busy filming her new movie:) do u know “your hand in mine” has a facebook?

    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Your-Hand-In-Mine/172758060188 🙂

  3. Dear Joanne, may i know later what time does Robinsons event start ? Pls let me know asap:) now then I relased:)

    regards: debbie 🙂

  4. “The worst kind of boyfriends are those who cheat and lie and get caught.”

    The moment a man cheats, please, please don’t wait for him to lie and then get caught. Too late. Kick his ass and get him out of your life. My sister did. Hehehe.

    As for the “pleasing a man and the camera” phrase, I think it’s hard for either sex to look at his or her partner and say whatever my celebrity partner is doing on and off the screen, it’s just acting, especially when couples are in their 20s. When a female celebrity goes for facial/pedicure/hair treatment, etc, these are considered “common” or “routine.” I used to get annoyed when my ex girlfriend had to get her hair and nails done before we went to the movies!!! Wa lao eh. She said she is “so used to prepping herself” before doing anything. (BTW, she was an air stewardess.)

    But these are not common routine for those not in the industry. Contrary, I’m sure those not in the entertainment field don’t know what it’s like walking along the void deck or orchard without being scrutinised or being judged on how you look and what you wear.

    So for those in the entertainment industry, you better look good while going to the void deck or buying groceries at NTUC. For those who want to or are already dating a celebrity, you have to accept that looking good is part of the deal.

    In your tag, there are “Men are from Venus” and “Women are from Mars.” If they laugh at each other and enjoy themselves when they are together, they will eventually come back down to earth.

  5. Hi Joanne,

    Agree with you. It’s exceedingly detrimental to have one’s bf/spouse/other half putting you down for what you love doing. I mean, what for? Is it for his reputation or just wanting to re-adjust that already wired impression people in the industry had already given him? IMO, that’s quite selfish actually.

    So yea, I think it only makes sense when he goes all out to support his other half. That’s what he should be doing anwyays! =)

  6. I am not a fans of yours BUT i just have to click on your blog every other day. it interesting.. and you blog with indepth! I dont know how to explain but just enjoy reading your blog (:

  7. Can a person put one leg in a boat and another leg in another boat without having difficulties to keep her balance. If a person can do it effectively, he must have the ‘skills and abilities’ to keep himself in that perfect balance.

    Relationships and work are both very demanding in a person’s life. It needs full attention on both sides. Some people choose to put their full heart to work and let relationship comes later. Some wish to put relationship first and take a less demanding job. These are the minorities now in Singapore. So many hope to have both sides of the world and you have to struggle with it.

    How far a man’s or a woman’s career would excel, really depends on the choice of life partner that they have chosen. A understanding, encouraging and supportive partner will definitely be a ‘propelling force’ that will keep the other party going. A selfish, narrow-minded and the ‘me and my’ attitude will put pressure on the women if she could not find time for her partners and vice-versa.

    In the case of showbiz circle, it is a little different because the demands are greater, the psychological endurances need to be stronger because of the nature of work. Few women artistes have achieve in keeping their balance such as Zoe Tay, Pang Ling Ling, Hui Fang, XiangYun, Aileen Tan, Prisilla , Fann Wong, so it is not an impossible task to achieve.

    I am always intrigue with the Apple Computer Logo, the apple has a bite on it. It reminds me that if I were to cheat, it is like the Apple Computer Logo, no longer a wholesome apple, then how can I present this apple to my other half.

    Press on and listen to your heart. Eventually what lies in your heart is passion. Passion will be the answer to your question.

  8. luckily now there is quite a shift in the media from placing too much attention on looks to emphasizing natural women.haha. for eg the antm..it used to be 5 feet 9-11 women that were selected to enter the competition..but the latest cycle. they even accepted a 165cm girl to model ! =P plus one of the magazine is showcasing natural/ non photo shopped models and with a bit of meat.

  9. Hi Joanne,

    Firstly I just wanna say, I really admire you. We share the same sirname (an awesome one) and so I have noticed you since you entered the industry a few years back, but i was never a slobbering fan, not of any celebrity actually. So, i have never followed news about you, but when i found your blog accidentally, I realised you’re an actress who managed to stay rooted in your own character and beliefs, and you dare to voice out your thoughts – which contain lots of insights.

    I’m a final-year mass comm student, and i took Acting Workshop as one of my modules in the last sem. And oh boy, my ex-boyfriend (whom i was still with at that time) was really unhappy when he heard that i’ve decided to go for it. He asked me why, and suggested me to take a “more practical” module. Thank goodness, I didn’t listen to him like a stupid girlfriend who only wanted to please him.

    I am glad I went for it. Acting was the only fun I had in the whole sem, and I learnt so much from it. Plus, the boyfriend didn’t last – which i see why now! If a partner cannot be supportive or have doubts about your character, it’s totally the wrong guy to be with in the first place.

    I do have a question though… Is it easier to be with someone in the same industry? An actor will understand another actor since they’re in the same line, right?

    And honestly, I know I will end up in the media industry in future – i just don’t know which part of it, it’s huge. Acting crosses my mind once in a while, but I always brush it aside, thinking that it’s impossible for me to make it to the screen… Plus, it does take a lot of luck and opportunities, doesn’t it?

    • Hi Songsofworship,

      Thank you for your support. I find it especially sweet when I meet juniors from WKWSCI because there’s a sense of familiarity almost. I love the Acting module at NIE too but my favourite was Playwriting. I enjoy creating stories very much and that particular module really helped all of us believe that we can all make up stories and be good at it. None of us would ever miss the class intentionally because Michael Corbidge, our lecturer for that module, always made it fun. The energy was contagious and we were always pleasantly surprised at what we could come up with. Now I know why there are prestigious Art Schools around the world where the best students study and interact, because everybody rubs off one another.

      Yea, there’re some preconceived notions with “acting” and people who have not done it really aren’t in the position to pass any judgment. Good to know you had fun. Everyone is entitled to have fun, although I don’t understand why people think fun=frivolous and that is often frowned upon and associated with being lazy, impractical or time-wasting.

      Well, let’s just say it’s not easy being with someone, same industry or not. It’s not the job that determines compatibility, it’s the core of the person’s character that does. I’m glad you’ve realised this early in your life, I’m very much pro family and marriage, so I do hope you find the right one and get married soon. haha!

      With acting, you need to have the right attitude. I’ve been young and brash and learnt things the hard way, but that also puts me in the position to say, only with the right attitude will this job bring you satisfaction. Dare to pursue your passion, whichever field it may be, and all the best!

      Joanne

  10. Thankfully I’ve always been more interested in images.

  11. “It baffles me that their boyfriends put them down, and make them feel like they’re fame hungry or dabbling in meaningless play-acting that are not comparable to their “proper” high-flying jobs.”

    I bet they didn’t study philosophy! Okay enough, later Uncle scold I make fun of you.

  12. u dont sentence them to death immediately ??

  13. Pingback: Would You Compromise For Your Other Half? « JR's Musings

  14. It’s all about finding that one man who respect you as you are and gives you enough space to grow beyond your imagination. To function as a pleaser or take on a more submissive part in any relationship wont work out well I guess. One day, the energy will deplete and everything will come crumbling down.

    Everyone change eventually especially through self-discovery journeys that helped mould them into who or what they feel more comfortable in becoming. Only through trials and errors that we discover which part of our personality stays and which we can do better without. Cheer up and take note that you’ve changed for the better or if not, tell yourself that you will! 😉

  15. I agree with you. If someone really loves you. He will accept who you’re completely and respect it

  16. It is actually the small things that matters. People always asked “what is love?”. Now, love is the accepting of your partner no matter what.

    In your example, the guy who says that their actress girlfriend has changed, probably does not love her enough.

    We have read so many stories about how people used to die for love (in literature at least), and now a person cannot even accept his beloved choice of career! (the irony is they would not think twice about giving expensive gift).

    Then again, the fault is not with the guys.Gals are also increasingly looking for “show of love” rather than love, isn’t it so?

    How many of you would be in love with a man which would accept you for who you are, but are not able to buy you that expensive bag or beautiful diamonds…

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