Of horses, heels and shit?


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I love horses.

There is just something in the way a horse is built that oozes with masculinity and strength. When you peer into the eyes of a horse, it tells you the life of that animal. Whether you see a mischievous glint of a sprinter with hooves on fire, or a beast that has spent too much time in a place that doesn’t excite it anymore, their eyes provide us humans with just that glimpse into where their emotions reside.

I fantasise about owning a horse and riding it the way racers do on racing day because when man and animal work together, dreams are conquered and sweet victory lingers long after the horse returns to its stable. In Singapore, there are no horse ranches and riding clubs are rather exclusive, so my best chance of watching thoroughbreds would be at the Singapore Turf Club. I’ve only been to the Singapore Turf Club once and had to sadly turn down the recent invitation to world-class horse racing on the 17th of May due to my work commitments. I was however, very privileged to be invited to a gala dinner on the 15th at the Pan Pacific hosted by Singapore Airlines and Singapore Turf Club as part of the Singapore International Race festival leading up to the SIA Cup race day.

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Mr Huang Cheng Eng, Executive Vice President, Marketing & The Regions, SIA had the crowds applauding with his "shit" jokes.

It was a night of good food, good entertainment and good company, but what I took home with me went beyond the tangibles. It was the speech by Mr Huang Cheng Eng that really left a deep impression. In fact, most people in the room hung on to every word of his speech. Why? Because his jokes were shit.

Wait a minute, I don’t mean to be rude, but the man designed his speech deliberately so! He actually had management parables, some disguised as “shit” jokes, told to him by the various horses that were competing on Sunday when he went to visit their stables. His humour caught the guests by surprise who were nodding and laughing with applause. Some of you might have heard of these stories, but just in case you haven’t, the gist of his speech contained the following parables, in no particular order.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! Soon, a farmer passed by and heard the little bird chirping. Seeing the poor creature covered with dung, he decided to help the bird get out of the mess and placed it under a shrub. By this time, the bird was feeling warm and chirpy. and A cat passing by heard the sounds, saw the bird and ate it up.

Morals of the story?
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) When you’re in deep shit, it might be better just to keep your mouth shut.

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.  Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

The moral of the story?
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

The moral of the story?
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and Crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember psalm 129?” The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember psalm 129?” Once again the priest apologized. “Sorry sister, but the mind is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm129. It said, “Go forth and seek; further up, and you will find glory.”

The moral of the story?
Always be well informed in your job; Or you might miss a great opportunity.

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These horseshoes were designed to kick start the Singapore International Festival with something a little more colourful and fun, and it couldn't have been more attention grabbing.

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Kudos to Tata, the photographer who had to step in rhythm with the escalator in order to get this picture.

This is what you get when you put two of my favourite things together — horses and high heels. While horses exude the charisma of strength and agility which I associate with men, heels simply ooze sex appeal, which I associate with women. The way heels are made, the curves of the body, the girth of the heel, the materials used and finishing are immaculately put together to flatter the feminine silhouette. These Fashionista Horseshoes are the perfect epitome of masculinity and femininity combined.

There were ten of these horseshoes measuring seven feet and painted in various fashion themes to kickstart the Singapore International Race Festival, but only two displayed outside the ballroom. Nonetheless, it was quite an eye-opener.

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Look closely and you'll see the ingenious marriage of the horse and the heel, making it look like an oxford shoe.

Look closely and you'll see the ingenious marriage of the horse and the heel, making it look like an oxford shoe.

The surprise of the evening, as put forth by the host, was the dessert buffet, the fortune teller and the man who writes Calligraphy on Chinese fans. By the end of the main course, which was  a lovely steak, everyone was ready to have a picture with one another over a macaroon or two. The atmosphere was cordial and relaxed which reminded me of my college prom night where everyone would crowd together and take pictures.

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Many people had the names of their horses written.

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The fortune teller would ask for your name and then tells the parrot, "Pick a card for so-and-so". The little bird will totter out of the cage, use its beak to separate 1 card out from the deck and totter back to its cage.

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I had to have my fortune told! It's nice isn't it?

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Doing a stand-up for the in-house video.

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For friends around the world who came down specially for the race, it was a night that sparkled with merriment, a prequel to the highly charged, adrenalin-pumping action that was taking place on Sunday. Since I couldn’t be there to support my favourite horses, here’s what Felicia witnessed on race day.

That night I met some very wonderful people. From the SQ girls who greeted the guests by the door, the dedicated waiters and waitresses serving our tables, to the jovial friends from around the world and of course, the hospitable hosts from Singapore Airlines and Singapore Turf Club. Thank you for the lovely evening and hopefully I can be there on race day to watch the horses compete next year.

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42 responses to “Of horses, heels and shit?

  1. Hey joanne! Thanks for sharing with us all those meaningful ‘shit’ jokes! How true can that be. You too jiayou in your work and takecares!

    (:

  2. Thanks to share this meaningful entry…. I realised that you never simply drop some words in your post, all comes with inspiration… How you do that despite your hectic schedule?

  3. Hi Joanne. So nice that you are an invited guest to this gala. Hope you enjoy this event. Nice pictures taken and every moral of the story is meaningful. Cheers!!

  4. Wonderfully written!

    The management parables were all so amusing, yet meaningful. I bet all of those present roared with laughter. Haha! Anyway, you really do have great memory to be able to remember all of them! =)

  5. Thanks for sharing the parables with us. Indeed interesting. In future, whenever you come across those parables, pls share with us. Thks. 🙂

  6. haha, how come you and felicia chin all linking each other’s blogs at the end of your post.

  7. Hey Joanne.. Remember me?hehe.. SHirley here… I was there during the birthday party tat jolity organised for u.. and the xin.sg birthday celebration & of course the Star Awards too…

    Oh ya.. I like they way you the phase below..:
    Morals of the story?

    1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
    2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
    3) When you’re in deep shit, it might be better just to keep your mouth shut.

    ya.. what u wrote really sound so true lo…n reality too…

    btw.. take care while u r busy with all ur filming…counting down to fri to watch ur “when the princess meet the prince”…

  8. You forgot to create a new paragraph when you described my shit story. Nevertheless, it’s still very well-written. Amitabha.

  9. i have not really seen a real horse in my life. How huge are them? I want to rear a horse too. a baby horse look cute! i think so. any of your drama coming up?

  10. You look lovely. Glad that you had a fun night out

  11. Thanks Priest, changes made. Safari somehow screwed up the text.

  12. Hello! The horse shoe is very nice. I like it. Which colour of horse do you like? Or do you think it is cute? I saw Felicia’s blog already. She post alot of photos. Why you never?:) The jokes that the president says is really like shit and all is about silly jokes. I hope i can take photos with you one day. Maybe there’s a chance. Hope. Bye.

  13. hey joanne,
    glad to noe dat u enjoy urself alot…
    btw wat is ur next series???
    reali hope dat u will be da main actress…
    u can do it…
    love,
    racheal

  14. Nice post!

    I sometimes do bet on horses. My favourite number is 12. (it give big dividend sometimes.)

    My favourite combo is 2, 8 and 9. It corresponds with Yvonne Lim’s DOB, Sept 28. (928)

    I hope you and Felicia remains the best of friends, because some leaders of your fan club are also leaders of Felicia fan club.
    ( I recognise some of them.)

    Yes, I agreed with one thing :” Not everyone who drop shit on you is your enemy.”

    My neighbour was walking when the crow drop dropping on his head. He cursed the crow, clean himself and then make his way to Singapore Pool and place his bet. He later won $25o.

  15. hi joanne, so how, i love the horse heels.. can you tell me where is that place held?

  16. tat was a nice joke…
    Shit…hahaha

  17. Hey Joannie Jie

    The Horseshoes are quite pretty
    I like the colourful one!

    And what a lovely nice sexy dress you wearing!
    Very suit you! And the ‘belt’ make it so gorgeous!

    Well the luck in your Lucky NO 19 really comes true ^^

    Waiting for your next new serie ^^

    xx Moon
    [The Netherlands]

  18. to jovita i think maybe because felicia cannot write as well,so she makes up for it with more pictures. i like the jacket she wore,make her look more slim & cute.

  19. Hey there Joanne! You’re very pretty & you act very well. Hope to see you acting more often! Cheers 😀

  20. To Usertan. Maybe, think so too. You mean you like Joanne’s outfit or Felicia’s outfit?:D I like both of their outfit..especially Joanne. I like her gown/dress in pink color. It fits her well and make her looks so bright. Agree?:D Joanne, I will support you always. Jia you!!!:)

  21. Hey hey Joanne,

    May i know which poly euu graduated from ?

  22. Hey Jo ho ho!

    Your blog entry is so funny…hmm, to be precise, its Mr Huang joke. He’s just so full of shit..and now u are aso so full of shit too. Hahaha =x

    Oh…and felicia have lots of photos must be due to her trigger-happy finger. =D

  23. To : UserTan

    Felicia did write well, so does Joanne.

  24. =)天天开心k-k♥

    heyy joanne!
    did u go there with felicia chin? i saw her blog… she went there too! the horseshoes were really very creative. =)btw, nice dress^^ where did u get it from? ^^

  25. hey joanne!

    where did u get the heels that u’re wearing from?? (:

  26. Hi Joanne where did you get your dress from? its really pretty!

  27. You’re lucky to enter The Singapore Turf Club! I love white or chocolate horses! Nice pictures with black in background and also nice font too! U enjoy a lot and fun!

  28. How do you typed in “Felicia” from hide her blog? I need to type this for my own wordpress.

    Where to get which the features or tools or other in wordpress? Name?

    Hope u reply me. Please…
    Thank you very much!

  29. pink rose: check out “how to link” on wordpress support/FAQ. u will be able to find all sort of information u need from there.

  30. to cherylneo: ya, unless u consider Felicia poor English and bad spelling “writing well”. I personally prefer Joanne writing. to jovita: Joanne always looks good so no comments, Felicia is not so versatile, so sometimes can look a bit salah if styling is off, but her jacket hides her flaws so look good this time too.

  31. i tink Joanne Peh got stylist choose clothes for her. right Joanne??

  32. You look gorgeous. I like it.

  33. Thats a whole load of horseshoes there… I hadnt even seen the borwn ones before!! Though I do recall seeing a few of them at Plaza Sing… well written entry there, Joanne. The morals are very meaningful too. 🙂

  34. Found out http://www.carouselworkshop.com/items/item427.htm

    Horeshoes are nice and cute!

  35. Your blog is at sidebar with website of Singapore Turf Club. U must be proud of it. Nice picture of you and I like it as a nature!

    Go to see at http://www.turfclub.com.sg/ haha!!!

  36. Hi Joanne,
    Was a pleasure to meet you then and had a chance to shoot you =)
    Glad to know that my shots are useful and posted here..

    All the best to you!

    Cheers!

  37. wow what a nice dress you are wearing .Your dress is from Dorothy Perkins & your pair of earrings are from Passion by David Gan right .The earrings must be very expensive right . reply okie

  38. Felicia use shortform so that is just that she dont want to write shortform, but Joanne write longform.

  39. hi joanne, may i know what type/model of camera did u use? coz your pictures are great! thanks =)

  40. Dear Joanne, is this your first time went to SIA Cup? It seems that your enjoying yourself at SIA Cup:) This is my first time went to SIA Cup with my dad:) I manage to take a lot of photos at SIA Cup:) Not everybody can go to SIA Cup:) Provided the person is invited:)

    Cheers: Debbie Wee:)

  41. Joanne, your command of english is remarkable. It’s a pleasure reading them. Keep up the good work!

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