Anger Management

Recently I’ve encountered several instances where anger gets out of hand, but amidst all the fury, I’m glad I managed to find some peace within myself. And it has also made me realise a few things that I’d like to share with everyone.

It’s easy for me to comment, because in most of these instances, I’m not the one ignited. But watching has helped me learn.

Why do people quarrel, or have conflicts and disagreements? And why do some of them evolve into a fight, some into lengthy cold wars while others are amicably resolved?

I suspect it’s got something to do with expectations and human being’s inherent self-centredness. I may be wrong though, it’s just my thoughts.

Perhaps we are often too concerned with what we want, what we think, what we need, what we believe, what we should have, what we like and dislike, that we start to form expectations in our interactions with other people. Sometimes we expect others to know, with the all too familiar retort “You should know….”, that we get pissed when they don’t.

Today, some tempers flew at work. From my third party’s point of view, I can see what made both persons angry (although that doesn’t make any one of them more right than the other). But if you mute the yelling and flush away the anger, you will realise that both of them are in fact working towards the same goal — that is get the job done as quickly as possible. Then why quarrel?

I guess, sometimes, we are too focused on our own feelings, that we do not try to understand where the other person is coming from. We do not see their intentions the way they intended, but based on our perceptions. We concentrate on what is offensive (be it the tone it was said or the actions carried out), rather than hear the actual message that is being conveyed.

Sure, we want to vent out the frustration and anger bottled up inside, we make harsh comments to put others down in an attempt to gain an edge over the other person, so that we can feel better. But have we ever considered the effect it has on the other people around us, who although may not be on the receiving end of the anger, but are still experiencing the tremors and heat of the eruption?

Anger is ugly and I’ve seen it bring out the worst in people.

So that’s why I try to find peace and learn to appreciate the many different personalities of people around me. Life is too short for us to waste on anger, because there are more meaningful emotions like love to experience and immerse ourselves in.

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