Tag Archives: best actress

Winning isn’t Everything.

Post Star Awards, I was working and meeting up with friends who were leaving. I haven’t got a chance to sit down and organise my thoughts or even let everything sink in.

Two days after the event, I had a long lunch with a friend and confessed to him that I don’t feel much different now and before. He gave me a knowing smile and said most people would expect some kind of response but I shouldn’t let that bother me too much. Be true to how you feel, this veteran said.

Honestly, I don’t really have an idea what I wanted to write in my post Star Awards entry. I had planned on writing a more coherent thank you speech, but realised the moment is over. Not that I am not grateful anymore, but I had pretty much said what I wanted to say that night, albeit in a very jumbled, disorganised manner. At least that was real! It’s almost like how when you’re acting, sometimes the first take is always the best, because the lines are still new, the emotions still raw, and the natural response most, well, natural. Repetitive takes would take the flavour out of the words. Some people liked the way I fumbled for the right words, others thought I could do better. My inexperience showed this time, but I promise I will learn in time.

I turned up for the awards with no expectations and was having fun with Gary’s (hairstylist from Passion) camera backstage. Sounds like fluff, but having missed out for two years consecutively, I no longer take anything for granted. Many people told me I’d get into Top 10 last year, after all, I did five dramas and even starred in the highest rated drama for that year, so they said, but I still ended up by myself in the front row when the Top 10 awards were given out. Disappointed, no, but boy was I embarrassed. I wished I was sitting next to someone. From then on, I learnt not to take what people say too seriously, because we really never know.

I only started to get the nerves just before the opening sequence. Perhaps it’s the words of encouragement from my colleagues or that knowing smile from a veteran that nagged at me to plan what I’m going to say should I win. And so I tried, but the bird and plane and magic tricks were so entertaining that I didn’t manage to move past the first line of thought. When the time came for the award presentation, my mind was in a mess. Part of me wondered what it’ll be like to hear my name, what I would say if I go on stage, but the other part convinced me that it can’t be possible, I was hopeful yet afraid, my mind going back and forth, my heart pounded with anticipation. Even when Ms Zhou’s lips formed the sound of my Chinese surname before Chiang-ge stopped her, I still didn’t want to believe it would happen. But it did. It was like someone yanked the plug in my brain. All the sounds faded and I went into auto mode. I knew I had to get up and go, and tried to buy time from the moment I stepped on the runway to receiving the award from Chiang-ge, so I could come up with something logical to say. Still I struggled. I searched the corners of my mind for words that normally come quickly, but they were jumping around with disbelief I couldn’t grasp hold of them. I rambled, worried I’d embarass myself by keeping silent, worried the alarm would come on and I would be rendered a mute, it was supposed to be a moment of joy and celebration but I was stressed. And I blanked out.

I never understood why winners at award shows always get so emotional. Now I do. It’s not easy at all.

Backstage, I was still in a zone. I never saw my stylist Jeremy grinned so wide before, he was always so cool, but this time he couldn’t contain his excitement. Daddy Ge Ping was backstage waiting for me with open arms, congratulating me and saying “Ger ger, see I told you.” I burst into tears because Daddy has always been there for me throughout the year. When everything didn’t seem to be in my favour, he still held so much belief in my potential, telling me to work hard. Then before I could get a grip of my emotions, my manager held my hand tight and told me to get ready to speak to the reporters outside. I panicked, I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t get a hold of my bearing and I was still sniffing away. Emotions were running high and wild.

After the mini press meeting, Jeremy quickly pulled me upstairs to change into an outfit I never fitted for. I did as told and everyone was so flustered because the special guests were already giving out the Top Ten Most Popular Male Artistes. As I squeezed into the Hervé Léger bandage dress, I wasn’t even thinking I would have a chance to go on stage. Before I could remember what went through my head, I was already shuffled downstairs awaiting the presentation of Top Ten Most Popular Female Artistes. Then a calm sort of washed over me.

I know I was very lucky at this year’s awards. This journey I’ve taken hasn’t been easy and winning Best Actress is definitely a huge encouragement and boost of confidence.  While I received many many congratulatory messages, at the same time I am also aware that there are a group of dissenters who do not feel justified for my win. For whatever reason, most of it aren’t within my control. My work is what I hold a strong grip over. Winning Best Actress doesn’t mean I’m best, (nor do I think this will grant me any special status) and it certainly isn’t just because I work hard or had to eat bugs. Making drama is a team effort and everyone worked just as hard. I see the judges’ decision as a form of guidance, telling me that despite having tripped, fallen and hurt myself, I’ve managed to battle through the thicket and found the right path. I want to take this long journey, and I know there’s plenty of room for improvement and lessons to be learnt. But for now, I will not belittle myself just because of a few naysayers, because honestly, it was a difficult role and I shed my share of sweat and tears for it.

Barack Obama arrived at the White House with a resume that appeared short by presidential standards, there were many people who didn’t believe in him, held certain prejudices, prefer his rivals over him, and still do not like him now even though no one can change the fact that he is President of the United States; Carol Ann Duffy, recently appointed British poet laureate is equally subjected to prejudices against her gender and sexual orientation, and comments from random people that suggest she isn’t worthy of the job. But it hasn’t stopped her from doing what she is good at.

This is life. There are always two sides to a coin (unless you’re Joker) and words will remain as words. Let the actions speak for itself.

So I implore you to wait and see, give me a chance to let my work show.

I will work hard.

Star Awards 红星大奖 2009


尝试了新的呈现方式, 一目了然。

嘿嘿。。。当天用了别人的相机,结果自己拍的照片不是很多,oops. 本来想用黑白效果制造时尚照,哎,可是我的相机的镜头脏了没发现,所以有些照片是蒙蒙的。:(

红星大奖已经过了差不多一个星期了,我还没有在博客上发表,因为实在有点忙。颁奖典礼当晚后还有庆功宴,之后因为大家都走了,所以得开车到 stylist 的家还身上穿的 Hervé Léger bandage dress,隔天早上七点报道化妆拍戏。真不好意思,不能和在外头久等的粉丝多拍几张照,结果赶到连你们拍的照片都蒙了。希望很快会有机会和大家再见面。

坦白说,得了奖之后也不知道该说什么。本来想写一篇有条有理的致谢话,可是我当晚大概都说了。虽然有点语无伦次,但那是当时最真的感触。真的出乎意料之外啊!因为没想到,所以意外,因为意外,所以致谢词一塌糊涂。没经验就是这样,可要多多向大哥大姐们学习哦!

当天我还记得自己轻松得很,在后台不断的玩别人的相机,直到同事在出场之前跟我说了一些话,让我觉得还是想想如果真的上台所要说的话。头脑不断的在组织,可是还是让它溜走了。然后观看颁奖典礼有趣的颁奖方式,就统统忘了。

抱歉,多希望自己有所准备上台时能稳稳的,不过当时的心情真的难以形容。坐在台下等待颁奖的那一刻,心情很乱。幻想如果叫了我的名字是什么样的感觉,上台要说什么,但还没搞清楚,又告诉自己不可能的,应该不会叫我的名字,心里又期待又害怕,反反复复,头脑一片混乱,情绪澎湃。答案揭晓的时候,仿佛脑袋的电线插头被人扯掉了,突然进入auto mode,上台,领奖,致谢,脑袋一片空白。一直在挣扎想要说什么,可是一切发生的这么突然,时间又不多,担心警铃会响,说到断声多尴尬啊,劈里啪啦赶快说完后,还不知如何反应。后台看到我的 stylist Jeremy 兴奋得很,还有各评daddy,抱着我,恭喜我,说“Ger ger, see I told you.” 我就哭了稀里哗啦,很感动。然后被经理人牵着说要出去访问,我跟她说怎么办,我的头脑很空,一时不知道要说什么。乱七八糟!

以前常想,怎么得奖人总是那么激动,怎么都会哭,自己得奖后才体会到那种感觉。领奖真的不容易。

那一晚本来就只穿一件晚礼服,因为之前没有试穿过 Hervé Léger 的那一件,可是Jeremy在我做完访问后拉了我上去说换衣,我也就照做。大家都很紧张因为正在颁十大最受欢迎男艺人,一边挤进裙子的时候,心想这么匆忙,万一换了衣服又没有机会上台亮相会不会好像很多余?还没想到结果就已经坐在台下了,心情镇定了很多,完全没有压力。我想如果我的名字正好到后面才叫的话,可能会紧张,尤其如果大家认定你一定会进。一个人坐在前排的感觉很尴尬,去年尝过了,身边的女艺人都上台留下我一个,失望倒不会,反而尴尬到想找个洞钻进去。

我只能说我很幸运,这一路走来不容易,这是很大的鼓励。很多人事后都发简讯来恭喜我,我在博客,facebook,twitter 也收到了不少祝贺,谢谢你们。当然也有一群人认为我不应该得这个奖。这一切都不在我控制范围内,当初我也说过,如果时机未成熟,我不会强求,但评审决定颁这个奖给我,给我很大的信心和肯定。得奖并不代表已经到了终点,只是告诉我找对了路。要走的路还很长,当然能进步的空间也还很多,不过至少我已在起点立足。这对我来说很值得高兴!高兴不是因为有什么成就,而是因为我看见了自己迷失、跌倒、受伤再爬起来的过程。我的人生多一篇丰富的内容。

我很珍惜每一位在这旅途中碰到的人。有些站在原地指点方向,有些只是经过打个招呼;有些陪我走了最艰难的一段却无缘继续步行,有些则刚遇上;有些在我绊脚之前拉了我一把,有些却让我一头栽下去。

衷心感谢每一位,因为有你们,让我的人生道路更精彩。

红星大奖之后

当天时间还真紧,所以没什么拍照。这是典礼后和粉丝在门口拍的。谢谢Rina提供的照片,也谢谢你们在又湿又冷的夜晚等我post-show 完毕。
star.jpg

看到你们这么多人对我的鼓励,我真的很感动。不好意思,这么久才在这里跟大家分享我的感受。 坦白说,今年没得奖,打击不是特别大,可能是曾经经历过了,也熬过来了,所以学会看开些。有记者跟我说大家以为我“包赢”,会不会因此而感到失望? 哎呀,比赛怎么会有“包赢”的?当晚也只不过抱着平常心去对待。穿的舒服,有机会坐那么好的位子,观赏颁奖礼都很开心咯!有一句话就在这里跟大家分享:入围是一种鼓励,得奖是给我的奖励,没得奖代表自己还要加倍努力。有目标在眼前,我并不迷失,也没有时间钻牛角尖。

记得曾经有个记者朋友告诉过我,每年红星大奖之后,当晚都会在赶稿,要不然赶不及刊登,所以都希望不会被安排负责这个典礼的新闻。最近关于”红星大奖“ 的新闻比较多,记者每个都蛮拼的。我知道有个报道分析了我没得奖的原因,说我犯下了五大罪,让不少认识我和支持我的朋友满腹的气。我真的很感动,因为你们对我的信任是如此深厚。

媒体抄新闻是娱乐圈的家常便饭,所以我也不会太在意,或对记者们所写的东西耿耿于怀。这是他们的工作,而我想他们应该也有自己的压力和所面对的政治。所谓人在江湖,身不由己,所以我能体谅他们的处境。另一个记者朋友曾经跟我分享,说娱乐圈的新闻往往都是负面多,因为新闻价值高,整天写好的东西,人家看多了会乏味,无趣,所以为了与其他刊物竞争,就常常会把新闻搞的比较有争议性。

我没得奖的报导是真是假,在里头我澄清过了,我也不想再多说,毕竟“祸从口出”是个好朋友与我分享的至理名言。愿意相信我的人,我非常感激,不愿意相信我的人,我只能让时间证明一切,希望有朝一日能用诚意和实力打动他们的心。

这些流言不在我的掌控中,所以还是把精力放在我能做的,专心演戏,呈现最真实的我。

你们放心吧,谢谢你们为我加油!

礼物

 

I wanted to share this piece of good news with everyone, but it seems like many of you knew it already!

I’m really happy and grateful to those who love Chun Chun and daddy! It’s a wonderful gift. 🙂

Recently I’ve been busy preparing for my new drama which starts in early November, and this time the role is very challenging, so I need to spend a bit more time reading the scripts and understanding the character, so it’s not that I’ve forgotten all of you ok?

Lastly, thank you all so much for the kind words, encouragement and support.

Love ya all! *muak*

(19 Oct 2007, 联合早报副刊)

news.jpg

原来你们都知道了!消息这么快!
本来才刚刚想与大家分享这个好消息。
好开心哦!谢谢大家对纯纯和 Daddy 的支持!
最近在忙着新戏的筹备,角色很有挑战性,所以会花很多时间看稿,揣摩角色。
我并不是把大家忘了哦,只是这部新戏很快就要开拍了,所以不能临时抱佛脚。
再聊吧!谢谢你们的祝福,能入围已经很开心了!

*HUGS TO ALL*