不解/Bemused

今天早上上“早安你好”，谈入围红星大奖的感受等，收到观众朋友拨电进来的鼓励，还有很多朋友在博客上留言，祝福我，希望我能拿奖，谢谢你们！我呢，想不想得奖？ 当然想啊，不过得靠时机和实力，或许不是现在，也希望将来有可能。嘿嘿！

听说自己这个星期被挤出十大，惨了，还蛮担心媒体会舆论纷纷，因为最近报章记者对我的评价好像不太乐观，说我变了。仔细检讨后，还是有一点模糊到底我怎么因为红而开始变了。怎么才算红？怎么才算变？难道是因为换了电话号码，现在联络不到我而觉得我变吗？不知是不是什么举动无意中得罪了谁，在这里想说明立场，如果有任何地方做的不妥，希望记者朋友们会多多原谅，给予我更具体的建议好让我从中学习。

很多时候这行，都是得从经验中吸取教训，学会待人处事，与外界更有效的沟通。我并不是一入行就懂事，也不想为自己找借口，只是想敞开心门，让大家知道如果你愿意与我分享，我就愿意听。刚入行时，有位高层就与我分享了至理名言：无知者无罪。如果是因为没人告诉你而不懂，犯错了也不能怪你。所以当时我就告诉自己，人家给我机会不能当成理所当然，同一个错误绝对不能重犯。

这个星期有一系列庆生日的安排，所以很期待。至于星期天是否有机会上台领奖，就要随缘啦。

I’ve been receiving many well-wishes for the upcoming Star Awards on Sunday, thank you all for having so much faith in me. Would I like to win? Of course, that will be nice, but I believe only if the time is right when I can prove the versatility and subtlety of an actress. I’m flattered just being able to have my wild-ugly-crazy-woman clip have its five seconds of fame repeatedly, potentially disrupting anybody’s dinner appetite. Haha!

I heard I’ve been out of the top ten this week. To be honest, I’m more worried about what the media would say rather than anything else. Recently the Chinese press has made their not so positive stand towards me, claiming that I have changed because of increasing fame. After some self-reflection, I still can’t quite figure out what fame means, nor how that might have changed me. Could it be that I’ve changed my mobile number and am no longer as contactable as before? Perhaps it was something I unknowingly done that had offended someone, but I would like to make my stand and clarify any misunderstanding. If there was anything that I could have handled in a much better fashion please do let me know, and allow me the opportunity to learn.

The entertainment industry is an ever-learning place. More often than not, lessons are learnt after making mistakes, and with time and experience, I acquire knowledge of the business and how to better communicate with people. I didn’t start out holding the essential guide to a fail-proof entertainment career because there is none to own. If this sounds like an excuse, no, I’m not making any for myself. I am acknowledging my ignorance and willingness to learn from those who would give me the chance.

I remembered during my first drama, someone from higher management shared with me my first lesson: No one can blame you for not knowing.

From then on, I told myself never to take for granted the opportunities people give me, and never to make the same mistake twice. While ignorance is not incompetence, truth is, no one is liable to grant me any leeway and I appreciate all who have done so throughout my career.

This week is full of birthday celebrations, so I’d be having a good time! Whether or not I’d be winning anything on Sunday, well, we’ll know soon. 😉